Blog Post Title 10

2 things you should always be able to do…

1. say no.

2. start over.

Blog Post Title Nine

What makes a goal so hard to follow through with? Why can I drum up all the things I need to change, but then 48 hours in, find 101 reasons why I should just quit… Maybe I am the only female with commitment issues… However, I am determined to change that. While, yes, it has only been eight days… it has been EIGHT days. I haven’t been perfect, but my mindset continues to evolve the more excited I get for the rest of the year to unfold. I think it is so crucial to have things to look forward to…Incentives- per say. All that being said… I’ll get to the point now.

Here are some of my INs and OUTs for 2025:

OUTs

• Screen time (pointless scrolling)

• Pointless purchases

• Wishing over doing

• Discontentment

• Lack of self confidence

• Mindless entertainment

• Digital camera/phone camera

• Unintelligence

• Boredom

• Unintentional eating (snacking)

• Weight gain

INs

• Random hobbies

• Risk-taking

• Saving money (because while I may be a female with commitment issues…I am still a female with a recovering shopping addiction)

• Intentional travel

• Closet creativity (getting creative with the clothes I have in my closet)

• Books

• Film

• Learning

• Clean eating

• Daily movement

• GIRL friends

• Mental health

• Consciousness (being present)

Blog Post Title Eight

Wow. What a year. What even happened? I honestly was reflecting a couple days ago… I broke up with a long term boyfriend. Had a huge falling out with a friend. Quit my job and moved to Hawaii…and then moved back home five months later. I have met some incredible people, seen even more incredible views, and tried taking some steps trying to build a career… none of which are yet to amount to anything… YET. Well… There we go- I think I just summed up my 2024 in aboutttt 30 words. Initially I was thinking ‘oh not that much happened’ , but wow. 30 words man. That’s nothing to shake a finger at… I’m 1000% joking in case you couldn’t pick up on that sarcasm.

This year will be better. Yes, everyone says that… and yes about 23% of people quit by the second week of January and 40% by the last week of January (also YES I DID look up those up because this is now public and I can’t be throwing out fake stats), but I actually I am committed to being committed. I have let too many years of my life pass by…passively. NO MORE…We’re going to at least make it to the end of March… Okay, that as also a joke. I’m serious about the committing. I’m not saying I’m going to be perfect, because I am the queen of cutting corners and…well…basically everything that hurts the mindset of perseverance, but I don’t want to be perfect. I want to live and succeed by my own standards, realistically, and within the realm of moderation. I want to help myself, not hurt myself. So cheers, my friends, about eight days late…but better late than never.

Blog Post Title Seven

It feels like I wasted four years of my life. I think back on the time I spent doing next to nothing except trying to make someone happy. How futile. What a waste of time. My time. I refuse to let another man- or woman- women can be just as exhausting as men, like fuureall. No one can take away that kind of time from me again. I have dreams and aspirations in life. However, why does it feel like sometimes I am just spinning my wheels. Moving on a treadmill- which isn’t really moving at all. It’s a cyclical, easy path with the least chance of resistance. It’s safe. Holding on to someone you’ve known for years is safe, it’s comfortable. Living in a bubble for so long I don’t even know what putting myself out there looks like- I have an idea- but I have no idea what it feels like. I have this grand idea of what I want the next year of my life to hold, but the fact that I am sitting at home crocheting like you 110 year old great grandmother is… worrisome to say the least. Now granted- I am not working- I feel like I’m barely keeping myself afloat- another reason I am sitting at home… Playing it safe once again because ya girl is BROKE. Not actually, but I ain’t making that coin right now… the budget is TIGHT. However, based on some recently surfaced information… this might blow your mind… are you ready? Exposure doesn’t have to cost anything. Wow. I know right? Mind blowing. I actually think I was meant to be blonde sometimes. So i think my new goal is to not have a routine. Routine implies comfort… and while I don’t think having a routine in certain aspects of life is bad, I do think that it leaves little to no room for anything new to happen or come into your life. As you go through a daily routine you surround yourself (or don’t) with the same kinds of people everyday. If those people aren’t the kind of people you want in your life… you need to change your routine. Yet again, mind blowing. Okay, these revelations are new to me, maybe not to you and if it’s not then all the more power to you. I’m a slow learner and I tend to connect the dots in a different way than most and that’s okay.

So in light of my newfound information here’s my plan.

1. Cut out men. I don’t need them right now. I can barely handle myself right now.

2. Do one new thing a week. A new hike, a new group, a new coffee shop, a new… SOMETHING.

3. DECREASE screen time. I am turning DND on at 7pm. I can’t have a 5 hour screen time average PER DAY. That is insane to me.

4. Stop relying on my phone camera and start using my digital cam and recorder.

5. Aspire, record, reflect, repeat.

Blog Post Title Six

A bit of sadness, never sorrow

The night may yield to day tomorrow

But if it won’t, then sad I’ll be

If not, I’ll naught be glad for glee

~ anonymous 

Blog Post Title Five

The topic of the night is boys- well I guess you could say relationships in general. There are many things that come with being in a new location. One of those things being a new crowd…new boys…fresh faces and new hearts to break. Just kidding, we don’t ever intentionally break hearts. We only ever intentionally ghost. There’s a difference, I promise. Besides the point- I swore off dating apps. For personal reasons I just don’t want to meet people- sorry men- online, too many bad experiences and unlike some people I don’t want my future boyfriend, husband, significant other chosen from a never ending carousel of questionable characters that shouldn’t have a phone by the looks of these atrocious pictures they deem okay to be seen by the general female population. After swiping for so long, your standards slowly get lower and lower. It’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for them. Yet somehow I found my way back into the terrifying world of single and potentially available delinquent boys who think they’re men. Ask me how it’s going- ask- alright alright- I’ll tell you. Not well. Every time I open the app and start swiping I find myself questioning myself. The answer you’re looking for right now is- I’m bored. I haven’t even been here three full days and I am already bored. Not for lack of things to do but I want a crowd of people to belong to and hangout with. Now, let’s self-reflect on this statement. While it isn’t a bad thing to want friends or boys, there is something to be said about feeling the need to have people all the time. Wow, would you look at this. It wouldn’t be the first time I caught myself giving myself therapy… I should call her (my therapist hah hahh).

One of the things I wanted most for myself, in regards to moving, was alone time. Time for myself- to learn, take care of, and rejuvenate. Yes, I would love to have a boyfriend, but it just can’t be the most important thing right now. I have so many goals and dreams that, at this point, will best be accomplished on my own. Exploring new connections is fun… Do I think I’ll pursue any of these guys? Nah. Probably not… They’re so uninteresting. I got a text today- “Do you smoke?” He surely ain’t no prince charming. Don’t count on him to get of his high horse to do anything worth anyone’s time.

I think one of the things I’ve lacked in my 20’s is girl friends. A true, solid group of girls. I feel like with girls at my side there is nothing I can’t do. There is truth to the ‘girl power’ that plagues our society. Don’t knock it till you try it. So cheers, to all my gals out there. Hug your friends, remind them how much you love them. Don’t take that time for granted, not everyone has the same luxury. xoxo.

Blog Post Title Three

So there’s a name now… Welcome to the Useless Campfire Club, where you can read all manner of useless things. Mostly related to life’s most pressing issues- which coming from a girl- very serious matters. I would definitely bookmark this page next to your morning news. It is currently 12:19 am so any illiteracy can be blamed on late night/early morning delusion. I cannot sleep. I don’t know if it’s the bed or the stress/anxiety of a life-changing chapter about to unfold but the mind-racing is debilitating. Sleep has completely left my body the last week. I cannot get tired. I would love to be dead asleep right now, but no. My blood shot eyes are slowly drying out faster than the sahara desert as I try to decipher the words I am typing on the screen currently. Lord have mercy on us all.

Stuff. The topic of the night/morning whatever. It surrounds us. It hasn’t been until recently that I feel, suddenly, suffocated by it. Why do we need all this stuff? Most of it, isn’t even important, so why do we hold onto it like it is? I have wasted so much money on stuff that I literally throw away when I’m bored of it. Gone. Just as fast as I bought it. Being a hoarder has never been one of my problems, but I can’t say that I’m a thriving minimalist either. I love style and I love the aesthetic-ness of clutter sometimes that I will collect and then discard at a whim. It’s truly sad. How do you break the pattern? How does one buy intentionally without getting bored eventually? I am a girl. Girls are subject to change faster than the weather. A trend hardly lasts longer than a season. How do you bust the cycle? AHHHHH. See what I’m saying? These late-night thoughts are so intrusive and so… illogical. Girls will be girls. Sometimes…It would definitely be easier to be a guy. HAH. You never hear guys saying the reverse. Unless they’re on the list of exeptions.

Blog Post Title Four

The much anticipated day has arrived at long last. I don’t even know how to feel, and I think that’s what freaks me out. It still doesn’t feel real. I’m sitting in the Denver airport waiting for my next flight to take me to my new home. Why am I not freaking out? People keep telling me this is a huge thing but it just feels ‘meh’. Don’t get me wrong I am very excited, but I feel like something’s either missing or wrong with me. As humans I feel like we are capable of so much more than we accomplish in our day to day life. why is this? Why are people content with doing the bare minimum and living rather less than extraordinary lives? Hah. What is that coming from a 22 year old though? What do I know about life anyway? I can hear the mocking voices already. What does anyone really know about life anyway? Just because someone may have more years under their belt doesn’t mean they’re somehow more credible than me. We’ve all experienced different lives. Now that’s not to say that we won’t encounter the same thing as someone else had years prior (and could learn from their mistake or success) but to assume my life and path will be or needs to mirror another’s is pure lunacy. We are all given a choice in life- What will I do today? Who will I be today? What are my goals? What could I have done better? I think they’re important questions we all need to ask ourselves everyday. Now- I’ll be completely honest, very rarely do I ask myself those specific questions every day, or reflect on the day when the sun goes down and I am lying in bed. 90% of the time I am caught up in the victim mentality as I am mindlessly killing time on social media- I worked all day. I can do something mindless. The question is though, what did I do today? I earned money for myself, spent the day contributing to society because to not is a bad look on myself. While what I’m getting at is also self-serving, it is beneficial. Not just an excuse, but a reason. A reason to wake up passionate about the day and the life we get to live. How spectacular. Instead, I watch as people mindlessly scroll on their phone or fill up time watching a movie. Granted, I do the same, but at what point do you put down the screen and ask yourself, is this it? It is terrible because I find it revolting. Being in the 21st century, there’s not much to do to necessarily avoid people consumed with it (which is sometimes what I’d love to do) so the best I can try to do is monitor myself. Easier said than done, let me tell you. Change your perspective, change your habits. Change your habits, change your life. 

Blog Post Title Two

I’m not sure yet if I want this to be a journal… but all things considered no one is probably going to read it SO WHY NOT? I like to think my life is relatively unexciting. I’m a 22 year old girl with absolutely wild dreams and a spending problem that never seems to go away. I also, it seems, can’t grammar. I never paid attention in that class during school- so everything you’re reading, I’m sure, would not be approved by grammarly… I will admit to the fact that I just had to retype grammarly three times to make sure I didn’t misspell it. Now that that’s out of the way and you can stop critiquing my lack of spaces or breathes or sentence breaks, and just enjoy the words. Take the mind vomit for what it is… art…?

I have had to revisit my physical and mental health recently. Not because I am so out of my mind healthy and happy that I miraculously forgot that I needed to tend to that part of myself. No. The story is much simpler and more pathetic. I like to think that I’m not a high maintenance person, and I don’t need such delicate treatment… The thought alone is me trying to sit in denial. I am mentally facepalming. Who needs therapy when you can just type like this. I wish I could make it all out to be some funny joke and play it off like I’m not as crunchy as that 3 month old granola still sitting in your panty, but I can’t. It has become a part of me and the more I realize that I can’t keep neglecting those things… the crunchier I get. It’s like a reverse ‘stale’ process- instead of getting softer and chewier- I get crunchier and more crisp as times goes on. Wow. The imagery. Really jumps off the page atchya. Watch out folks, it’s the next… Charles Dickens. I don’t know- *insert some famous writer. ANYWAY. It’s crazy how fast your body recooperates when you take care of it. I wish I knew more, but I am just a girl after all. If I buy one more health or gut healing book I might be considered a school library, and I have a repuation to uphold. I am mentally telling myself to not make a Taylor Swift reference, and for your sakes I won’t. You’re welcome.

I guess this is a little funny reminder to slow down. Look at life for the day that you have, not the year or years ahead… but for the minute- even hour- that you have right now. The world moves so fast and tomorrow is tomorrow away. Take care of what you’ve been given. Start to look inward and reflect on what your body and mind need. Honestly, the communication between the inside and outside of your body is incredible. Listen to what it’s trying to tell you, instead of beating yourself up because something isn’t right. xoxo Gandhi. HAHA but seriously, do it.

Blog Post Title One

Sometimes I have all these words in my head, and then I go to write them and there’s nothing. I feel like that’s how my life feels sometimes- I have all these big plans and ideas, but when I try to bring them into reality- nothing. Why? Hah. I’m a woman, who am I trying to kid, I know why. There are a plethora of reasons ‘why’. Fear and lack of self-confidence. The two big overarching, enshrouded characters in my story.

I’m moving. Cat’s out of the bag- the core reason for all these deep and brooding questions bubbling out all of a sudden. Nothing flows, there’s one unfinished thought after another. “I’ll get back to it”- after a long drawn-out, roundabout, stop-and-smell-the-roses side track- I’ll finish it eventually. HAH. I’m stalling. The realness of the next chapter of my life is suddenly coming into focus… and fast. When I ask too many questions I get accused of thinking too much, however, I prefer to think of it as- assessing all the probable outcomes and deciding to chose the one with least amount of failure. We’re carefully calculated creatures- us women. I wish you could hear my internal laughter.

How does one pick up five years of a life and start all over? No friends, no contacts, no real solid lay of the land… What is five years though, really? It feels like it’s been an eternity, but five is such a small number on the number scale. The freedom of anonymity, though, is alluring. I can start all over- become whoever I want to be. Heck, I could have a totally different name if I wanted to and no one would be the wiser… Save for my ID. I think back on the beginning of my adult life and all the opportunities I’ve had to “start over”, and I can’t say I did a great job with any of them. I always want to be this person that I know I could be, but why can’t I ever truly embody this aloof being? Unfortunately, the quarter of myself that isn’t the perfectionist reasons that it could be just like any other fantasy in life- sounds good and maybe a good one off, but not something sustainable… because it is… just. a. fantasy.

So becoming this new person- what form will she take I wonder? I have routines I want to follow, habits I want to form, hobbies I want to pick up, businesses I want to own, art I want to create, sex I want to have, love I crave to feel, joy I desire to chose… It all feels so distant. Like a circle that is incomplete, and completely not circular. I am a squiggle of a line that desires symmetry and connectivity. That was the strangest and perhaps most abstract thought that has ever come into my mind. Don't worry the whole column won’t be like this. To be honest, I don’t know what it will be… or what it won’t… so. enjoy.